Dear Diary,
SAHM has a bad rap. When I was dating my husband and I joked that my dream was to be a 50s housewife. At the time we couldn't afford that lifestyle. Two kids later we still can't, but have you looked at daycares recently 😱 I loved working and probably will go back at some point. For now, I'm making the most of it dreaming, living one day at a time and creating memories with my kids.
I'm an entrepreneur at heart. I have plans for a DIY business, shirt, cups, stickers, etc. and I want a coffee shop that goes along with my farm. Cowbelles and Swirls be on the lookout it will be epic!
Now back to the SAHM life I would like to thank Pinterest for being my number 1 ally. I want to live a life worthy of blogging about, making bucket lists experiences and telling everyone about it. While encouraging my readers to live exceptionally, live life to the fullest. My kid's slogan is "Momma you're the best momma ever!" usually said after I put on the next episode of Bluey. I want to live worthy of that slogan and not just put epic moms on the tv.
What is the perfect housewife? Wiki How (the perfect place to cite ;)) definition is:
step 1: Running your home-
1- cooking meals: I'm not going to lie; this is easy for me. I love cooking. I would love to get better at meal prep and planning.
2 - keeping the house clean: This part I HATE if you read my intro you know but I can confidently say cleaning after a 2 yr old and 5 yr old who have a wild imagination is not my favorite part.
3- Doing laundry: I love this, but the upkeep is a lot with the kiddos but it's manageable finding new productive ways to organize and be vigilant is super inspiring the actual consistency not as easy.
4- Have a schedule: If you learn anything from me is that schedules need to be continuously evolving, ever changing and always room for improvement.
Newborns compared to 12-year-olds have very different needs. Also, when you add more children, they require more and different types of care and intentions.
I know what you're thinking, obviously, right?
Schedule advice for you is to think of the objectives of what you want you to achieve, what you have to achieve and add room for unexpected changes and joys. There are a million different resources out there on schedules and being productive. I'm a queen procrastinator, also I’m my biggest bully for not achieving my goals. I wouldn't be a Pinterest momma if I didn't say do some Pinterest research on schedules and make it your own. DON'T put too much on yourself too fast. Find an encouraging support system who gets it. Love yourself and try better tomorrow.
5- Wake up early: I am NOT a morning person but with a dog, 2 cats and 2 kids no one really cares. I am rarely up after 6:02. I am going to edit wiki comment number 5 by saying Wake up early and learn how to make good coffee. Anyone who knows me knows I run on coffee and stubbornness #taurus This becomes even more important when school is involved so toddler mommas just prepare early.
6- Create a healthy environment: "Everyone in your family should come home to a healthy, empowering, uplifting environment. Do your best to make sure that everyone's spiritual and emotional needs are being met, including your own, to make your home the best home it can be." (Keegan, How to be a good housewife (with pictures) 2023)
This is ever changing providing a healthy, empowering, uplifting environment. The term " If mom isn't happy no one is " applies immensely here. What makes you happy? What revives you, energizes you, etc.?
As a mom our job is NOT simple, the hardest job I have ever had is being a mother. I have a lot of young mothers including me who haven't figured out who they were and had to teach their children what kind of life to live. I spent a lot of time thinking and wondering how to best influence my kid's life. I became better when I became confident in my identity. My morals, beliefs and how I want to live my life.
Make sure no matter what the situation you are communicating with the people in your kid's life. It takes a village; it helps when all the village is on the same page.
Which brings us to the 2nd part of the perfect housewife-
Step 2- Maintaining relationships.
1. Discuss expectations with a partner -I'm lucky in this aspect if you are here prematurely (before you found the significant other and got the kids) communicate early and ask millions of questions. "Hypothetically ..." is my favorite game, imagining what ifs and being prepared for anything. I describe myself as an alternative mom, someone who raises their kids in a way that is different than how they were raised. I'm lucky to have a man who is an alternative dad to our kids and wants what's best for them. Never stop communicating, asking questions. Create tools within your relationship for disagreements and be ready to compromise.
Like I said from the beginning I told my husband I wanted to be a 50s housewife. He took that seriously, made it a reality and worked his butt off so it could be possible. Those expectations he has are bare minimum thankfully it's what makes my ambitions possible. Also, that is why can I write the theory on the " perfect " housewife is impossible instead of doing the dishes like I should be. His expectations are as follows- The kids and I need to be alive when he gets home. Pretty easy but my expectations for myself ...not as easy.
2. Maintain a respectable appearance- Now mommas this is difficult and I'm so grateful this has changed over the last 75 years. Whoever created yoga pants has my thanks. I maintain whatever appearance makes you feel respectable is what matters. Mommas here is my biggest advice. If getting up at 4 am, taking a shower and getting all pretty up is what makes you feel confident and good, do it. If it's throwing on yoga pants and a messy bun, living one minute at a time, do that. I know it's overstated but do what makes you feel good not for anyone else. On the other hand, I know how putting extra effort to look good every once in a while, for my man, puts him in a better mood. You know your relationship dynamic; you feel better and presenting a confident look the more appealing you're going to appear. The most immature thing I did and saw others do was spend hours on a look but wasn't full of confidence. I looked ridiculous, uncomfortable and was in no way bringing my best self to light. Ironically, I meant my husband falling into a lake looking absolutely ridiculous but boy was I confident.
3. Treat your partner like a partner, as an adult, not a child. As a SAHM you are at home all day. Nurturing, feeding, disciplining and much more. it is important to remember that you chose this person to be your partner. They don't need those (except maybe the feeding 😉). Remember the privilege it is to have a partner in an age of divorce you are lucky to have someone by your side not below you. Don't parent your partner. You'd be amazed at how easy it is to get those blurred when you've had a long day with Kiddos, and your partner isn't doing what you want them to do. Be respectful and honor what they do to keep a roof over your head, food in your kids' bellies and anything else your partnership has blessed you with.
4. Listen - I'm an extrovert, I have a lot to say probably why I started this blog but sometimes it's important to take a step back and listen. I want to fix all the problems, add my input and frankly just live for the drama. I'm an empath but it makes me want to make it better not LISTEN. I can honestly say 90 percent of the disagreements I have had with my husband is because I'm not just listening and supporting him in the situation. In the age of divorce wanting to not only talk to your significant other but actually listening is one step closer towards being "The Perfect housewife"
5. Find a balance in arguments- Be willing to compromise and see things from your significant other perspectives. Remember in those moments that your anger in that second isn't the only feelings you have. You love this person, and the goal isn't to hurt them it's to solve the problem. Disagreements are inevitable don't dwell on the argument as the solution to the problem. Arguments are part of the course living that close to anyone it will happen. I am stubborn and I'm kind of picky my biggest "red" flag is the desire to be correct and prove it at all costs. Add in the personal trauma of growing up say whatever toxic thing you could say to be right in that moment. No matter what the cost, the feelings you hurt and the affects it had on the person. There was no balance and no peace at the end decide what atmosphere you want for your house hold and embody that especially in arguments.
6.Love your spouse for who they are- This part is easy and difficult at the same time. Through highs and lows an individual changes from 18 -75 drastically. Loving someone through all the changes and let's be real in the days of being self-aware. you have mental illnesses, seasonal depression or just good ole consistent depression all of that can affect the love of your life. Not to mention the events in a person's life before and during a relationship with the trauma and other people affecting it. Choosing your spouse for who they are through it all is a daily choice. I choose to love you through pain, sorrow, epidemics, happiness, joy and new beginnings.
The rest of this article is continuing how to be a good spouse and I’ll make a pt 2. This is my “diary” so it’s raw, vulnerable and not at all grammar appropriate but thanks for reading pt. 1 on “How to be the perfect housewife”
1st lesson in my opinion remember that’s ok to not be perfect 😁